The funny corner

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Toondes
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Toondes » Wed Jan 24, 2018 7:46 pm

I was walking to the pub with a mate and we saw a stray dog sat on the pavement licking his balls.

My pal says “I wish I could do that “
I said “ask him he might let you”

............


A bloke up the street knocked on my door last night and said,
“Your dog is out of control , he keeps going for my son on his bike”

I said “I’m so sorry , I’ll take the bike off the dog”.
# stolen from nufc.com :)

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Thu Jan 25, 2018 4:24 pm

I went to the cemetery yesterday and laid some roses on my mother in law's grave.

Just the coffee flavoured ones though I like all the others.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Jan 27, 2018 1:25 pm

My girlfriend laughed at me when I said I had a car made of spaghetti. You should've seen her face as I drove pasta...
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Tsi
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Tsi » Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:06 pm

I didn't realise Mugabe was from Yorkshire until i read his name backwards.

<coat>

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Aldridge Perez
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Aldridge Perez » Mon Jan 29, 2018 10:53 pm

Tsi wrote:I didn't realise Mugabe was from Yorkshire until i read his name backwards.

<coat>
<laugh>

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Jan 30, 2018 12:06 am

Tsi wrote:I didn't realise Mugabe was from Yorkshire until i read his name backwards.

<coat>
<applause> <applause>
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Blještav Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Blještav Benny » Tue Jan 30, 2018 11:08 pm

Tsi wrote:I didn't realise Mugabe was from Yorkshire until i read his name backwards.

<coat>
<laugh>
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

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Chappy Al-Shabab
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Chappy Al-Shabab » Wed Jan 31, 2018 5:30 pm

Another Yorkshire related joke...

Tha weren't no paedophiles when I wa a lad... we had to buy us own sweets.
It’s the noise, the passion, the feeling of belonging, the pride in your city.

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OverseersmademesupportenglandTOON
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Re: The funny corner

Post by OverseersmademesupportenglandTOON » Wed Jan 31, 2018 6:44 pm

Issac Barn

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Thu Feb 01, 2018 12:23 pm

I was in Yorkshire last weekend and the missus wanted something for the new bathroom. She asked for towels in Laura Ashley and the girl gave her directions to a bird sanctuary.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Feb 01, 2018 1:21 pm

11 ways to annoy a Yorkshire person
http://home.bt.com/lifestyle/11-ways-to ... 3923582888
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Ol' Dirty Bas Dost
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Ol' Dirty Bas Dost » Thu Feb 01, 2018 4:14 pm

Paddy and Mick are walking along a forest trail, when they see a sign saying "Tree Fellers Wanted"

Says Mick - "it's an awful shame Seamus isn't here"

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Tue Feb 06, 2018 9:14 pm

Horse is in the pub having a few when spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says" I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach", then he asks "did you win anything" horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”, they arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this guy he's done everything", so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace, the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus”.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Feb 07, 2018 7:36 am

jimileysbaldhead wrote:Horse is in the pub having a few when spots a donkey in the corner so he nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" horse says" I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", Donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach", then he asks "did you win anything" horse says "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”, they arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later, donkey thinks, "I need to impress this guy he's done everything", so he buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace, the horse arrives and says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall", donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus”.
<applause>
A friendly Reading FC fan! Job: CELLO MAN - see extensive web www.johnstone-music.com

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Feb 07, 2018 10:18 pm

InAntigua, a steak pie is $2.69
In the Bahamas a steak pie is $2.99
In Dominica, a steak pie is $2.99
In the Dominican Republic a steak pie is $2.39
In Haiti, a steak pie is $2.39
In Jamaica, a steak pie is $2.49
In Saint Lucia, a steak pie is $2.39
In Trinidad and Tobago, a steak pie is $2.19

These are the pie rates of the Caribbean
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Mon Feb 12, 2018 2:11 pm

David Beckham gets into a taxi and notices the driver looking at him in the rear-view mirror.
After a couple of minutes the driver says: "OK, give me a clue."
Beckham says: "I had a glittering career at Manchester United, played in America and got over a 100 caps for England. Is that enough?"
Driver replies: "No, you dopy b*gger . Where do you want to go?”
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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Fri Feb 16, 2018 8:42 am

Saw an advert this morning " hair pieces from £5.00 "
I thought that's a small price toupee.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Blještav Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Blještav Benny » Fri Feb 16, 2018 1:02 pm

It's a good job that we have a very broad definition of 'funny' around here lads <laugh>

<roll>
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Sat Feb 17, 2018 8:05 am

I bumped into J K Rowling yesterday so I asked her about Harry's father, she thinks it's James Hewitt too !
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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R&B
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Re: The funny corner

Post by R&B » Tue Feb 20, 2018 12:04 pm

I met a girl with 12 nipples. Sounds weird, dozen t**?
Image

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