The funny corner

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Re: The funny corner

by PTAO? » Mon Jan 21, 2019 2:45 am

I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you

Re: The funny corner

by Bodacious Benny » Sun Jan 20, 2019 9:51 pm

ALF wrote:
Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:27 pm
I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you
We’ve all been there.

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sun Jan 20, 2019 9:43 pm

ALF wrote:
Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:27 pm
I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you
<scratch>

Re: The funny corner

by ALF » Sun Jan 20, 2019 8:27 pm

I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sat Jan 19, 2019 5:07 pm

When I walk into Slimming World, everyone looks round

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sat Jan 19, 2019 5:06 pm

I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sat Jan 19, 2019 2:38 pm

Funny ... but true!!


Pete O'Rourke @SportsPeteO

Fulham manager Claudio Ranieri has revealed defender Alfie Mawson injured himself while putting on his boots. #FFC

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:27 pm

Micky Quim wrote:
Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:22 pm
I've been told that my grammar is very poor but I don't believe them. Only last week she gave me £20
<applause>

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:22 pm

I truly got to know my inner self today, thats Tesco value toilet paper for you

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:22 pm

I've been told that my grammar is very poor but I don't believe them. Only last week she gave me £20

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Thu Jan 17, 2019 11:06 pm

A Chinese Doctor can't find a job in a Hospital in the US, so he opens his own Clinic and puts a sign outside ;-

'GET TREATMENT FOR $20 - IF NOT CURED GET BACK $100.'

An American Lawyer thinks this is a great opportunity to earn $100 and goes to the Clinic.

Lawyer: 'I have lost my sense of Taste.'

Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box No. 22 and put 3 drops in patient's mouth.'

Lawyer: 'Ugh. this is Kerosene.'

Chinese: 'Congrats, your sense of Taste is restored. Give me $20 dolla.'

The annoyed Lawyer goes back after a few days to recover his money.

Lawyer: 'I have lost my Memory. I cannot remember anything.'

Chinese: 'Nurse, bring medicine from box no. 22 and put 3 drops in his mouth.'

Lawyer (annoyed): 'This is Kerosene. You gave this to me last time for restoring my Taste.'

Chinese: 'Congrats. You got your memory back. Give me $20 dolla.'

The fuming Lawyer pays him and then comes back a week later determined to get back $100.

Lawyer: 'My Eyesight has become very weak I can't see at all.'

Chinese: 'Well, I don't have any medicine for that, so take this $100 dolla.'

Lawyer (staring at the note): 'But this is $20, not $100"...

Chinese: 'Congrats muddaf*cka, your Eyesight is restored. Give me another $20 dolla'

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Wed Jan 16, 2019 7:50 am

Jokes about white sugar are rare. Jokes about brown sugar, Demerara

Re: The funny corner

by Bodacious Benny » Tue Jan 15, 2019 10:34 pm

<laugh>

A rare funny joke on this thread <roll>

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Tue Jan 15, 2019 9:58 pm

I've been stockpiling alcohol for years in preparation for the end of the world. It's safe to say that when the end comes, Armageddon drunk

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:12 pm

Talking about the amazing developments in health care of late -


A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so, so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."


The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in only 4 weeks he is looking for a job."


The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and you know, we're so strong that in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."


The American doctor laughs: "But you are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now... the whole country is going to have to look for a job!"

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:27 pm

I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory.


I had to send in 2CVs.

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:24 pm

NOT MENTIONING NAMES BUT ?
Sorry, I need to vent!!!! ???
I experienced the WORST customer service earlier today at a shop in town.
I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. On Tuesday I bought something from this shop. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 48 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund.
The girl in the shop told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO."
I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." ???
No refund.
No FREE replacement.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I''ll tell you what...
I am NEVER buying another Lotto Ticket from there again !!

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:17 pm

Bloke driving along picks up a hitch-hiker.

After a few minutes the hitch-hiker says 'aren't you nervous about picking a hitch-hiker up, I could be a serial killer'?

The bloke says 'nah, the odds of there being two serial killers in this car are astronomical'.

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:43 am

Went to the sperm donor clinic yesterday and the nurse said " could I masturbate in the cup "
I replied " I'm good but not quite ready for tournaments yet "

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:46 pm

A lorry laden with thousands of Thesauruses shed its load on the motorway yesterday.

Witnesses were said to be stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, confused, shocked, dazed, bewildered, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, confounded, amazed, perplexed and speechless.

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