The funny corner

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Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:56 am

Looking for good home for family dog.

It is a small terrier.

Only problem is it barks and whines all day until owner returns home.

If you are interested give me a call so I can hop over next doors fence and get it for you.

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Fri Mar 15, 2019 12:44 pm

jimileysbaldhead wrote:
Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:58 am
Missing: black and white cat, very very intelligent.

Tiddles, if you're reading this please come home.
<applause>

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:58 am

Missing: black and white cat, very very intelligent.

Tiddles, if you're reading this please come home.

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:41 pm

I met Elkie Brooks at Crufts and asked her if I could guess the name of her dog. "Yes", she said, "but you're a fool if you think it's Rover".

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Mon Feb 18, 2019 2:14 pm

David Hasselhoff walked into a bar and ordered a drink.

"It’s a pleasure to serve you Mr Hasselhoff,” said the bartender.

“Just call me Hoff,” he replied.

“Sure,” said the bartender. “No hassle.”

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sun Feb 17, 2019 6:08 pm

My next door neighbour just accused me of stealing clothes from her washing line. I nearly s*** her pants.

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Fri Feb 15, 2019 12:10 pm

It is an interesting fact that pigeons die almost immediately after sex.

Well the one I f***ed did.

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Mon Feb 11, 2019 10:28 pm

During a recent password audit, it was found that a blonde was using the following password: "MickeyMinniePlutoHueyLouieDeweyDonaldGoofyParis"
When asked why such a long password, she said she was told that it had to be at least 8 characters long and include at least one capital...

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Sun Feb 03, 2019 10:19 am

Had a dream last night I was getting a blow job off the blonde one in Abba, woke up with a start when his beard started to tickle me bollocks.

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:19 am

I entered a blindfolded masturbation competition once...f*** knows where I came

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:15 am

I just bought 35 cans of women's deodorant.
I can't help it, i'm an impulse buyer!

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Sat Feb 02, 2019 10:08 am

I once dated a dentist.
She had the best teeth I’d ever come across

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Sat Feb 02, 2019 6:33 am

Micky Quim wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:33 pm
My wife was hit by a golf ball. I rushed her to the hospital where the doctor asked me "Where did it strike her?"

"Between the first and second holes" I said.

"Crikey!" he said "that doesn't leave much room to operate."
<applause>

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:33 pm

My wife was hit by a golf ball. I rushed her to the hospital where the doctor asked me "Where did it strike her?"

"Between the first and second holes" I said.

"Crikey!" he said "that doesn't leave much room to operate."

Re: The funny corner

by Beatski » Fri Feb 01, 2019 2:39 pm

Hello, and Welcome to the Mental Health Hotline:
If you are obsessive-compulsive, press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, ask someone to press 2 for you.
If you have multiple personalities, press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid, we know who you are and what you want. Stay on the line so we can trace your call.
If you are delusional, press 7 and your call will be transferred to the mother ship.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a small voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press - no one will answer you.
If you are dyslexic, press 69696969.
If you have a nervous disorder, please fidget with the hash key until the beep after the beep please wait for the beep.
If you have short-term memory loss, please try your call again later.
If you have low self esteem, hang up. All our operators are too busy to talk to you.

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:05 am

Just rang the drug addiction centre and the recorded message said " if you have a problem with cannabis press hash "

If your issue is with cocaine, stay on the line "

Re: The funny corner

by overseasTOON » Thu Jan 31, 2019 11:03 pm

Micky Quim wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:14 pm
No one thought it was a good idea to cast Mel Gibson as a Scottish hero, but look at him now - a hopeless alcoholic racist
Some of us have hope!

Re: The funny corner

by ALF » Thu Jan 31, 2019 10:55 pm

Micky Quim wrote:
Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:15 pm
The coolest guy in the hospital was the Ultra Sound guy... until the Hip Replacement guy took over....
<laugh> <laugh>

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:15 pm

The coolest guy in the hospital was the Ultra Sound guy... until the Hip Replacement guy took over....

Re: The funny corner

by Micky Quim » Thu Jan 31, 2019 8:14 pm

I was haunted by two gay ghosts. They put the willies up me

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