The funny corner

Post a reply


This question is a means of preventing automated form submissions by spambots.

BBCode is ON
[img] is OFF
[flash] is OFF
[url] is ON
Smilies are OFF

Topic review
   

Expand view Topic review: The funny corner

Re: The funny corner

by UlversToon » Fri Mar 06, 2020 9:41 pm

A lorry load of terrapins overturned on the A1 near Newcastle today.... a police spokesman has described it as a “Turtle disaster “.

<run>

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Wed Mar 04, 2020 1:23 pm

Billy and Mick were walking past the grave yard when Mick says "flippin hell Billy theres a fella here was 152 when he died!"

"What's his name?" asked Billy.

"152 ... Miles From London"

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Mon Mar 02, 2020 2:06 pm

Keighley police are hunting a woman known as the 'knitting needle Nutter', who has stabbed 16 people in the backside with a knitting needle in the last two days.
Chief inspector Malcolm Ballcock thinks she may be following some sort of pattern...

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Thu Feb 13, 2020 6:08 pm

THE ITALIAN WEDDING

I was a very happy man. My wonderful Italian girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year. So we decided to get married.
There was only one little thing bothering me. It was her beautiful younger sister, Sofia. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.

She would regularly bend down when she was near me. I always got more than a nice view. It had to be deliberate. She never did it around anyone else.

One day she called me and asked me to come over. 'To check my Sister's wedding- invitations' she said.
She was alone when I arrived. She whispered to m e that she had feelings and desires for me. She couldn't overcome them anymore. She told me that she wanted me just once before I got married. She said "Before you commit your life to my sister". Well, I was in total shock, and I couldn't say a word. She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom" she said, "if you want one last wild fling, just come up and have me".

I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs. I stood there for a moment. Then turned and made a bee-line straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed straight towards my car.

Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!
With tears in his eyes, my future father-in-law hugged me. He said, 'My son, we are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family my son.'

And the moral of this story is:
Always keep your condoms in your car!!

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Fri Jan 31, 2020 11:49 am

Dave the Kopite is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar.

"Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?"

"Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"

Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.

He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?"

"Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.

Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," replied the memory man.

Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"

The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1."

Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."

Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to America and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.

Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue.

"How," Dave says.

The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Jan 29, 2020 8:27 pm

Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying "I'm a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal"
It was at that moment that I realised how many Gynaecologists there are on the roads!

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Thu Jan 23, 2020 9:11 pm

A bird from Chatham goes home one night with a guy she met in a pub. He's tall, good looking, and seems different than most men. They arrive at his place and head straight to his bedroom.
She can't help but notice shelves full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and he isn't afraid to show it.
Her heart melts and she want to give him the night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it again! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks,
"How was that?"
He nods and says, "Not too bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf.”

Re: The funny corner

by Bodacious Benny » Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:50 pm

daib0 wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 6:38 pm
He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” :)
You know what they say if you smoke after sex...
SpoilerShow
You've done it too fast.

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 6:38 pm

He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” :)

Re: The funny corner

by Tsi » Sat Dec 07, 2019 5:50 pm

My wife got so mad at me, she packed my bags and told me to get out. As I walked to the door she yelled "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I turned around and said "So, you want me to stay?"

<backout>

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:37 am

Bought the wife a pug yesterday .
Despite the squashed face, bulging eyes and rolls of fat the dog seems to like her.

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:56 pm

Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?"
Father: "nun...."

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:40 am

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:03 am

Had the sh!ts for 6 weeks so I went to the doctors. He said " don't worry they're back to school tomorrow "

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:26 am

Checked into a Swiss euthanasia clinic last, the bastards gave me Cheerios for breakfast.

Re: The funny corner

by seaside nipper » Wed Jul 17, 2019 8:55 am

Guy in the bakery points to the cake he wants
Assistant says Cupcake.
Guy says, ok Cupcake, that one there please !!??

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Tue Jul 16, 2019 6:52 pm

A guy went to the doctors, and the doctor was fumbling around for a while but didn't say anything.
So the chap says "anything up, doc?"
The doctor replies "I just can't put my finger on the problem. But I'd reckon it is a drinking problem"
"Don't worry, doc, then I'll come back when you're sober!"

Re: The funny corner

by jimileysbaldhead » Thu Jun 20, 2019 12:45 pm

Currently bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.

So far its been seven owls and fifteen jays.....

Re: The funny corner

by daib0 » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:08 pm

My mate was so unfairly put in prison just for having a stutter. The judge simply had it in for him....

In fact, we don't know if he'll ever finish his sentence....

Re: The funny corner

by JamesBotch » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:21 am

jimileysbaldhead wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:21 am
I asked the wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nine or ten. Check out my blogs: eatrbox.com - camengo.com - toodrie.com
<laugh> <laugh> <laugh>!

Top