Search found 1229 matches

by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Apr 02, 2019 10:04 am
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Pickford being investigated...
Replies: 6
Views: 418

Re: Pickford being investigated...

I'm pretty sure he's so red faced because he holds his fireworks at arms length.
by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:25 am
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Pickford being investigated...
Replies: 6
Views: 418

Re: Pickford being investigated...

He'll get a shock when the long arm of the law catches up with him.
by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:21 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

I asked the wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nine or ten.
by jimileysbaldhead
Fri Mar 15, 2019 8:58 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Missing: black and white cat, very very intelligent.

Tiddles, if you're reading this please come home.
by jimileysbaldhead
Thu Mar 14, 2019 1:41 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

I met Elkie Brooks at Crufts and asked her if I could guess the name of her dog. "Yes", she said, "but you're a fool if you think it's Rover".
by jimileysbaldhead
Thu Feb 21, 2019 9:34 pm
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Who was your first Newcastle United idol?
Replies: 32
Views: 1150

Re: Who was your first Newcastle United idol?

Jim Iley from the day he scored the winner against Bolton Wanderers in 1965 to clinch promotion to the 1st Division.
by jimileysbaldhead
Sun Feb 03, 2019 10:19 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Had a dream last night I was getting a blow job off the blonde one in Abba, woke up with a start when his beard started to tickle me bollocks.
by jimileysbaldhead
Fri Feb 01, 2019 6:06 pm
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: NUFC apparently take loan from Barclay's to fund transfers
Replies: 24
Views: 1177

Re: NUFC apparently take loan from Barclay's to fund transfers

Bodacious Benny wrote:
Fri Feb 01, 2019 5:02 pm
Rob is such a strong word, I prefer relieved them of their capital.
I'm assuming you were too much of a gent to use your Nectar card.
by jimileysbaldhead
Fri Feb 01, 2019 9:05 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Just rang the drug addiction centre and the recorded message said " if you have a problem with cannabis press hash "

If your issue is with cocaine, stay on the line "
by jimileysbaldhead
Sat Dec 01, 2018 6:13 am
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Match day thread - NUFC v West ‘am
Replies: 96
Views: 3759

Re: Match day thread - NUFC v West ‘am

I'm struggling to get K+NS ( Vietnam), so for that reason I'm out.
by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:43 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Went to the sperm donor clinic yesterday and the nurse said " could I masturbate in the cup "
I replied " I'm good but not quite ready for tournaments yet "
by jimileysbaldhead
Mon Nov 26, 2018 6:47 pm
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Match day thread - Burnley v NUFC
Replies: 147
Views: 4059

Re: Match day thread - Burnley v NUFC

3-1 win for the lads tonight. I've never seen them lose in the pub I'm watching the match tonight.
That said I'm normally that p!ssed I can't see much anyway.
by jimileysbaldhead
Sun Nov 25, 2018 6:58 am
Forum: Football Discussion
Topic: Jim Iley
Replies: 14
Views: 936

Re: Jim Iley

F*ck me, now I am worried. I'm going in for a hip replacement next week. Hope the chap has done one before.
by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:46 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

A lorry laden with thousands of Thesauruses shed its load on the motorway yesterday. Witnesses were said to be stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, confused, shocked, dazed, bewildered, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, confounded, amazed, perplexed and speechless.
by jimileysbaldhead
Thu Oct 25, 2018 8:53 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Bad news for dyslexics, on the 28th October your cocks go black.
by jimileysbaldhead
Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:09 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

Just spent an hour at the wife's grave. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.
by jimileysbaldhead
Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:07 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: Toilet paper!
Replies: 18
Views: 1160

Re: Toilet paper!

We used to use that shiny Izal stuff at school back in the 60's. We used to call it John Wayne paper because it wouldn't take sh!t off anyone. If you tried wiping too hard it would slip and you ended up with a back looking like runway three at Heathrow I remember Izal it was like grease proof paper...
by jimileysbaldhead
Tue Oct 09, 2018 8:51 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: Toilet paper!
Replies: 18
Views: 1160

Re: Toilet paper!

We used to use that shiny Izal stuff at school back in the 60's. We used to call it John Wayne paper because it wouldn't take sh!t off anyone.
If you tried wiping too hard it would slip and you ended up with a back looking like runway three at Heathrow
by jimileysbaldhead
Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:18 pm
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

In a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is:
"Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were, "Take That, what were the second two?"

After a lengthy silence a wee Glaswegian man stands up and says.." was it.. Ya Bastard?"
by jimileysbaldhead
Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:23 am
Forum: General Discussion
Topic: The funny corner
Replies: 284
Views: 20557

Re: The funny corner

The young couple next door have made a sex video.
Obviously they don't know yet.