The funny corner

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Bodacious Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Bodacious Benny » Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:02 am

Strict!
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

Somebodys pinched my sombrero
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Somebodys pinched my sombrero » Mon Aug 06, 2018 9:10 am

Not a joke as such, but I heard the most revolting comment yesterday. "Eeeeh my mate, she's as thick as monks cum!" <puke>
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Mon Aug 06, 2018 2:13 pm

- Hey, would you invite me over for a drink or something?

- I'd love to, but I simply do not date married women.

- But I'm your wife, stupid idiot!

- Sorry, but I do not make exceptions…
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Mon Aug 06, 2018 4:15 pm

My missus thinks I'm a nosey bastard. I wish she'd tell me to my face rather than put it in her diary.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Aug 08, 2018 12:49 pm

" congratulations Mr Thomson your wife has given birth to 5 healthy baby boys "

" I'm not surprised, I've got a penis like a f@cking chimney "

" you may want to consider getting it cleaned, they're all black "
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Aug 09, 2018 1:04 pm

I don't mean to take the piss but ...

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 7:49 am

Looks like Bayern are ready for the season....

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Aug 11, 2018 7:50 am

My wife once informed me...
"Sex is better on holiday"
That really wasn’t a nice postcard to receive….
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Thu Aug 16, 2018 9:26 am

There's a head on collision in city centre, the driver of each car gets out to observe the damage, the driver of one car is wearing a Newcastle top and the other driver is wearing a Sunderland top. Both cars are totally mangled and written off. The Newcastle fan says "we were very lucky to walk away from that, makes you think, its time we put all this animosity aside and forgot about the rivalry", goes to the boot of his car and gets out a bottle of scotch and asks if the Sunderland fan will join him for a drink.
"Och I suppose you're right, give us a swig of that bottle" says the Sunderland fan, drinks half the bottle, hands it back to the Newcastle fan and says "go ahead there". The Newcastle fan says "no its ok, I think I'll just wait until the police arrive"
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Fri Aug 17, 2018 5:12 am

I'm not a great fan of innuendos, however I do like to slip one in now and again.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Mon Aug 20, 2018 7:33 am

My boss told me that there is no such thing as problems, only opportunities.

I said, "That's great. Well I have a serious drinking opportunity"...
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Mon Aug 20, 2018 1:30 pm

I've a friend who's addicted to frozen poultry

I've told them many times they need to quit cold turkey
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:07 pm

Had a pint with a dyslexic Yorkshireman tonight, he was wearing a cat flap.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Aug 21, 2018 7:10 pm

Relationship Goals ...

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Re: The funny corner

Post by biggeordiedave » Mon Aug 27, 2018 7:14 am

My secretary reminds me of my wife. I was unbuttoning her blouse today when she said, "Remember, you have a wife."
Kindly deeds done for free!

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Re: The funny corner

Post by Tsi » Tue Aug 28, 2018 6:57 pm

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Aug 28, 2018 11:54 pm

What a great slice for a goal ... just shame it was a funny own goal tonight!

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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Thu Aug 30, 2018 1:37 pm

How many Vietnam veterans does it take to change a light bulb?


You wouldn't know man you weren't there
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Sep 05, 2018 8:23 am

The young couple next door have made a sex video.
Obviously they don't know yet.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by Tsi » Thu Sep 06, 2018 1:16 pm

A girl came up to me and said she recognised me from her vegetarian restaurant.
I was a bit confused, I'd never met herbivore.

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