Let's Write A Novel

[Tomski]

[In an attempt to bring back some activity to GD, and in the spirit of National Novel Writing Month, I thought it would be a good idea to all write a novel together.

Everybody has an opportunity to add to the novel with posts. It can be a sentence, a paragraph, whatever. Hopefully we can reach 50,000 words, although that may be a tad ambitious.

I'll keep updating this document with everyone's input so you can all view it and see how it's coming along.

We could try to centre the novel around ToonForum and its members, but feel free to add in whatever you like to make it as random and wacky as possible. Just one rule, no one can end the story until it's time.

Also, if you're planning on posting, just quickly write something along the lines of "typing out next post" and then edit your post with your content. This helps avoid people posting at the same time. Any off-topic discussion about the thread is probably best posted in the eBar so that the thread doesn't get cluttered.

I'll start us off]

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It seemed like any other morning on Toon Forum. The morning regulars had began to post in the eBar with their gentlemen smileys, followed by the familiar phrase of "Morning".

[Colback's Orange Tufts]

It seemed like any other morning on Toon Forum. The morning regulars had began to post in the eBar with their gentlemen smileys, followed by the familiar phrase of "Morning".

However, in his castle deep inside central Europe, Mr Skalps Skalpington knew something was up. He couldn't put his finger on the illusive problem and it irked him. Sipping the last of his now luke-warm coffee, he braced himself to investigate.

This was no one man job though, he needed a crack team who could dedicate themselves to the task at any time. "What better group than people who waste their working days and social time on a football forum?", he thought. "Actually there are probably better teams, but my hungover brain can't think right now, so they'll have to do."

[Tomski]

Skalpel set to work on assembling his crack team. There was a problem though; how on earth would he be able to decide who to recruit from the 493 (and rising) members of Toon Forum? "I need to set up some sort of selection process", he said.

[Captain Obvious]

Sitting back in his throne he chuckled as he realised that he'd just been talking to himself.

[beardface]

He began by removing all the members who had never posted, narrowing the numbers down from 493 to 100.

[skalpel]

This, of course, was done after deleting Beardface for changing tense at random and having no sense of how to elegantly flow one sentence into the next.

[Mifune]

Next, he removed all the known gingers and Chappazes, further narrowing the numbers from 100 to 97.

[beardface]

He then had the tough decision to choose between Mifune and Smudger, he knew the history that existed between these two and decided it would be best to just have one on his team. He then remembered that nobody liked Mifune and he would dampen team morale.

[biggeordiedave]

Skalpel smirked as he thought to himself "If this lot got together and wrote a novel, it would be an absolute bag of s***."

[Mifune]

He then had the tough decision to choose between Mifune and Smudger, he knew the history that existed between these two and decided it would be best to just have one on his team. He then remembered that nobody liked Mifune and he would dampen team morale.

He then killed Breadface violently .

[skalpel]

Ultimately it was decided to stop giving the slightest driblet of s*** about anything that had been considered so far; largely because it was a boring pursuit which nobody would ever care about but, perhaps more trivially, to address the issue of the gigantic, ice breathing zombie dragon that wove gently through the clouds below the western turret.

[PTAO?]

With a dead body at his feet, Mr. Skalpington proceded to s*** himself. He had never killed anybody before.

[biggeordiedave]

Little did he know, despite skinning breadface alive and seeing a zombie dragon flying around his castle, that his LSD trip was about to get a lot, lot worse.

[Mifune]

In order to distract the ice breathing zombie dragon Mr. Skalpington used the dead Breadface as bait to lure the ice breathing zombie dragon away from the western turret.

[biggeordiedave]

Unfortunately, the sheer anger he was experiencing due to Mifune's piss poor creative writing skills was clouding his judgement somewhat.

[Mifune]

The ice breathing zombie dragon then violently ate biggeordiedave .

[Ramone]

Mr. Skalpington summoned his faithful goblin Dave, if he was going to kill a dragon he needed something to divert its attention.

[biggeordiedave]

It seemed that the high amount of LSD he had taken was really affecting the continuity of the whole situation.

[beardface]

Whilst Skalps managed to find some success in using LittleGoblinDave as bait for the dragon, the neglected Mifune sat sulking in the corner, complaining that he wasn't allowed to be part of the gang. Mifune then proceeded to violently s*** himself, as he no longer had any control over his bowel movements due to the excessive levels of anal sex with Acid Hippo.

[Cal]

Seeing that Skalpel was distracted by these scenes, the serpentine assailant swooped down from the skies and careened towards the target, who turned to look at the threat which was bearing down on him. The raging inferno residing within the icy, hollow tomb that is his chest was extinguished upon seeing that this beast wore the face of none other than the love of his life, Richard Griffiths.