The Most Painful Injury Thread

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by asbo » Wed Mar 20, 2013 6:06 pm

I swear Cisse's shins are made of toothpicks.

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Chirpse » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:10 pm

I don't know what my most painful physical injury has been. I have broke my wrist which was nothing and my collar bone break was just uncomfortable.

Standing on a plug is a right t*** though.

But my most painful mental injury is as follows.


So a good few years ago, my first year of university, I started seeing this girl pretty much as soon as I moved away into halls. After a short amount of time getting to know her I unearthed the fact that she was a virgin - fantastic I thought.

So one night, I had a few beers and we decided - at this point I have to note to you that it was consensual - to do the deed and get her broken in.

I was a little naive when I moved to uni in that I thought there would be scores of girls just gagging for it every night and for me to immediately fall into a relationship and then have to wait for something to happen had left me quite eager to, you know, release the Kraken.

So, being her a virgin, me being a bit pissed and very eager, I pushed a little too hard for the magic and pop went my banjo. String was snapped. It was most certainly not all good in the hood.

Ouch.

I hadn't realised the extent of the pain until we had finished. My bell end was rather sore. Instead of cuddling it was more a curious inspection of who's blood it was. I got hurt. She got hurt. We both bled. I went to the toilet. Tried to clean my bloody knob in the sink. Got toilet roll stuck to it. Got blood on the floor. Ran out of toilet roll. It was just all pretty terrible.

It hurt for a few weeks and although the pain has long since subsided the image of my penis in that sink still haunts me.

Had to wait ages until we could go at it again too which made my discomfort even more frustrating.


However, what will always be an awkward experience for me is even worse for her as that's how she will always have to remember her first time. Unlucky love.

<parrot>
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by asbo » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:28 pm

<laugh>!

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by TheLittleGeordie » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:53 pm

Could this be the best use of the Parrot smiley ever?
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Donkey Toon » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:56 pm

Probably my most painful was tearing my Achilles tendon. Started sweating like a pig, turned green, nearly passed out and then started throwing up all over the place.

Most serious was dislocating my shoulder playing rugby. I was running full speed at an opponent intending to tackle him when the bugger sidestepped me at the last moment. I stuck my left arm out to catch him across the midriff and my arm went with him and the rest of me carried on in the other direction. Arm came right out of its joint and violently swung round my back. My left hand actually smacked me on the right side of my face. Problem is when I fell to the ground the arm popped back in but was twisted around 90 degrees so they had to disclocate it again to put it right. So much nerve damage was caused there was a concern that I might lose the use of the arm. I couldn't even move my fingers for more than a week but luckily once all the bruising had gone down everything returned to normal. Hurt like crazy too.

Scariest was when I was rockhoping in a bay as a teenager. Some mates and I had swum out to some rocks several hundred meters off the coast and we were trying to swim in with the waves to try and land on the face of a rock and then climb up before the next wave hit you. On my turn one of my mates shouted out and I turned round to see if he was in trouble. A wave hit me and smashed me into the rockface and then as it drew away I dropped ten feet and then through some shallow water and landed on my back on the rocks below. All the air was knocked out of me and my back felt like it had split in half. The undertow then span me round a dozen or so times smashing me against the rocks even as the next wave landed on top of me. I then found myself pulled away from the rock but was well underwater with no oxygen in my lungs and a back hurting so much that I couldn't move my legs. Somehow I got myself to the surface and slowly started to swim back to shore, using just my arms at first. Luckily I gradually regained the use of my legs, although every kick hurt like buggery and I eventually got back to shore. As I stumbled out of the water a lady up the beach looked at me screamed and then fainted. It was only then that I realised I was covered in blood from head to foot. It turned out I was bleeding from about fifty small cuts caused by limpets and such cutting me as I was battered against the rocks. The worst of it was I had to get cleaned up at a mates house and couldn't admit what happened to my mum because she would have killed me for being such a reckless t***. I had to carry on as if nothing had happened even though my back was in agony for weeks.

Playing indoor 8-a-side football I also broke eight bones at the same time in my arm, wrist and hand, but surprisingly it didn't hurt much. I played the last 20 minutes of the match, went to the bar after the game (soft drink only) and then drove home before I realised how bad it was.
Last edited by Donkey Toon on Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:01 pm, edited 1 time in total.

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Mifune » Wed Apr 10, 2013 9:59 pm

<****>

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by skalpel » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:00 pm

Donkey Toon wrote:Probably my most painful was tearing my Achilles tendon. Started sweating like a pig, turned green, nearly passed out and then started throwing up all over the place.

Most serious was dislocating my shoulder playing rugby. I was running full speed at an opponent intending to tackle him when the bugger sidestepped me at the last moment. I stuck my left arm out to catch him across the midriff and my arm went with him and the rest of me carried on in the other direction. Arm came right out of its joint and violently swung round my back. My left hand actually smacked me on the right side of my face. Problem is when I fell to the ground the arm popped back in but was twisted around 90 degrees so they had to disclocate it again to put it right. So much nerve damage was caused there was a concern that I might lose the use of the arm. I couldn't even move my fingers for more than a week but luckily once all the bruising had gone down everything returned to normal. Hurt like crazy too.

Scariest was when I was rockhoping in a bay as a teenager. Some mates and I had swum out to some rocks several hundred meters off the coast and we were trying to swim in with the waves to try and land on the face of a rock and then climb up before the next wave hit you. On my turn one of my mates shouted out and I turned round to see if he was in trouble. A wave hit me and smashed me into the rockface and then as it drew away I dropped ten feet through some water and landed on my back on the rocks below. All the air was knocked out of me and my back felt like it had split in half. The undertow then span me round a dozen or so times smashing me against the rocks even as the next wave landed on top of me. I then found myself pulled away from the rock but was well underwater with no oxygen in my lungs and a back hurting so much that I couldn't move my legs. Somehow I got myself to the surface and slowly started to swim back to shore, using just my arms at first. Luckily I gradually regained the use of my legs, although every kick hurt like buggery and I eventually got back to shore. As I stumbled out of the water a lady up the beach looked at me screamed and then fainted. It was only then that I realised I was covered in blood from head to foot. It turned out I was bleeding from about fifty small cuts caused by limpets and such cutting me as I was battered against the rocks. The worst of it was I had to get cleaned up at a mates house and couldn't admit what happened to my mum because she would have killed me for being such a reckless t***. I had to carry on as if nothing had happened even though my back was in agony for weeks.

Playing indoor 8-a-side football I also broke eight bones at the same time in my arm, wrist and hand, but surprisingly it didn't hurt much. I played the last 20 minutes of the match, went to the bar after the game (soft drink only) and then drove home before I realised how bad it was.
Jesus christ. I wouldn't leave the house if I were you.

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by biggeordiedave » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:03 pm

That rock/wave thing must've been the most f***ing terrifying thing ever <erk>.

My old flatmate was seriously f***ing unlucky with injuries. He had his scrotum torn open playing rugby, smashed his arm off a tractor and contracted a painful blood disease, badly dislocated his thumb playing rugby etc. But by far and away the worst one was when he was a kid; he was playing in an attic and fell through the floor into the room below smashing his eye off the corner of a snooker table in the process. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy it when we all went to watch a 3D film <laugh>.
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by asbo » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:07 pm

fatgeordiedave wrote:That rock/wave thing must've been the most f***ing terrifying thing ever <erk>.
This. When I was about 4 I was wading through the sea and a wave took my feet out and I landed in the sea and could feel myself being dragged about by the tide. That was scary, god knows what it must be like getting slammed into rocks and stuff. <****>

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by skalpel » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:08 pm

fatgeordiedave wrote:That rock/wave thing must've been the most f***ing terrifying thing ever <erk>.

My old flatmate was seriously f***ing unlucky with injuries. He had his scrotum torn open playing rugby, smashed his arm off a tractor and contracted a painful blood disease, badly dislocated his thumb playing rugby etc. But by far and away the worst one was when he was a kid; he was playing in an attic and fell through the floor into the room below smashing his eye off the corner of a snooker table in the process. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy it when we all went to watch a 3D film <laugh>.
<laugh> <erk>

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by asbo » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:09 pm

fatgeordiedave wrote:That rock/wave thing must've been the most f***ing terrifying thing ever <erk>.

My old flatmate was seriously f***ing unlucky with injuries. He had his scrotum torn open playing rugby, smashed his arm off a tractor and contracted a painful blood disease, badly dislocated his thumb playing rugby etc. But by far and away the worst one was when he was a kid; he was playing in an attic and fell through the floor into the room below smashing his eye off the corner of a snooker table in the process. Needless to say, he didn't enjoy it when we all went to watch a 3D film <laugh>.
<laugh> I would be such a cronut to a mate with no depth perception.

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by biggeordiedave » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:10 pm

I think his face actually resembled this <grim> when we went to the cinema. "It's just blurry for me." <laugh>.

Mind you, we all had that face as we had gone to see 'My Bloody Valentine 3D'.
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by TheLittleGeordie » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:10 pm

AbsolutelyGlorious wrote:
fatgeordiedave wrote:That rock/wave thing must've been the most f***ing terrifying thing ever <erk>.
This. When I was about 4 I was wading through the sea and a wave took my feet out and I landed in the sea and could feel myself being dragged about by the tide. That was scary, god knows what it must be like getting slammed into rocks and stuff. <****>
It's horrible, it happened to me once and I hope it never happens again
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by The Situation » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:10 pm

A guy in my school was playing circket and was in the silly point position, got a corkey full on in the face and it ripped his top lip off <puke> .

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by biggeordiedave » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:13 pm

The Situation wrote:A guy in my school was playing circket and was in the silly point position, got a corkey full on in the face and it ripped his top lip off <puke> .
Pics or it didn't happen.
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Donkey Toon » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:24 pm

fatgeordiedave wrote:That rock/wave thing must've been the most f****** terrifying thing ever <erk>.
When I was being slammed against the rocks I thought I was about to die for sure. Ditto when I was underwater.

Then back on the surface I thought my back was broken and was terrified that that might be permanent. Safe to say it was the scariest twenty minutes or so of my life to date. ;)

I didn't learn from it though. A month or so later I rode a bicycle off the high diving board at the local salt water swimming pool. :bandit: and I carried on rockhoping for years after that and got up to loads of reckless stuff.

I sometimes think it was a miracle I survived long enough to reach my sensible twenties.

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Galactico » Wed Apr 10, 2013 10:36 pm

I used to ride a BMX and had several injuries including broken wrists, splintered shins, split open head. By far the worst and most painful though was one time when I tried jumped over the highest ramp on track and and somehow came off in mid air. I hit the down slope on the other side and slid the whole way down on my back and shoulder and suffered severe gravel burn.
I basically had bits of gravel, stones and dirt under my skin from my shoulder blade down to my arse cheeks. I went to A&E and they spent 3 hours applying iodine patches to draw all the stones out from under my skin and then ripping them off. The t-shirt I was wearing had pretty much disintegrated and I still have the scars today. :(

The stupidest injury I had was when I bounced down just about the entire flight of stairs at Haymarket metro on my back (well it felt like it anyway!). I had just got my first mobile phone (the big brick Motorola one from the late 90's) and wanted to look cool as there was loads of hot chicks coming up the escalator. I whipped out my phone to make a call, gave a quick wink and then missed the 3rd step. Phone flew up in the air and I was actually winning the race to get to the bottom for a while but sadly the phone took the lead and made it all the way to the bottom in about 10 pieces. I have permanent scars which are lines across the base of my back from hitting the steps <disgrace>
I was drunk at the time so intially is was just my pride that was hurt...until the next morning!
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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Paco » Thu Apr 11, 2013 2:53 am

The Situation wrote:A guy in my school was playing circket and was in the silly point position, got a corkey full on in the face and it ripped his top lip off <puke> .
<erk>

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Aldridge Prior » Thu Apr 11, 2013 10:32 am

fatgeordiedave wrote:When playing basketball in year 6 at school, I was nudged from behind and stubbed my big toe on the base of the standalone net thing. It smashed my toenail into my toe, causing a hairline fracture in the process. It was pretty f****** painful then, but the worst was yet to come. f*** knows what the procedure was for, but the doctor said the initial injection would numb my toe meaning I wouldn't feel a thing. The lying c*** - I felt f****** everything. He was using a miniature blowtorch to burn two small holes in the nail and it was absolutely excruciating. Being burnt on your tougher outer skin hurts, so imagine what it feels like when someone is burning the skin under your nail <puke>. What's more, it did abolutely nothing to help.

Perhaps you've been vigourously enjoying some natural art work and snapped your banjo, or you were jogging in the park and caught an eyeball on a protruding branch. I'm sure you all have far more painful stories than mine, so please share them <gent>.
Worst pain ever! I bust my toe last year showing someone round a house and they asked to look in the garage. I opened the up & over door and a 6 foot length of kitchen worktop and several layers of plasterboard fell out and landed directly on my big toe. I nearly passed out with the pain. My work colleague drove me to the hospital and said I looked grey, like I was going to die.

Doctor at the hospital done the same to me, burned about 5 little holes in the toe to drain the blood as the pressure meant i couldn't lower my foot below my head. f***ing blood burst everywhere <erk>

Had to take over a week off work while I lay with my leg up the whole time. f***ing horrible it was, lost the nail completely about two weeks later.

I watched the Chelsea game last season from my bed, with my leg up. Cisse wonderstrike <awe>

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Re: The Most Painful Injury Thread

Post by Heisen » Thu Apr 11, 2013 11:38 am

Aldridge Prior wrote:
fatgeordiedave wrote:When playing basketball in year 6 at school, I was nudged from behind and stubbed my big toe on the base of the standalone net thing. It smashed my toenail into my toe, causing a hairline fracture in the process. It was pretty f****** painful then, but the worst was yet to come. f*** knows what the procedure was for, but the doctor said the initial injection would numb my toe meaning I wouldn't feel a thing. The lying c*** - I felt f****** everything. He was using a miniature blowtorch to burn two small holes in the nail and it was absolutely excruciating. Being burnt on your tougher outer skin hurts, so imagine what it feels like when someone is burning the skin under your nail <puke>. What's more, it did abolutely nothing to help.

Perhaps you've been vigourously enjoying some natural art work and snapped your banjo, or you were jogging in the park and caught an eyeball on a protruding branch. I'm sure you all have far more painful stories than mine, so please share them <gent>.
Worst pain ever! I bust my toe last year showing someone round a house and they asked to look in the garage. I opened the up & over door and a 6 foot length of kitchen worktop and several layers of plasterboard fell out and landed directly on my big toe. I nearly passed out with the pain. My work colleague drove me to the hospital and said I looked grey, like I was going to die.

Doctor at the hospital done the same to me, burned about 5 little holes in the toe to drain the blood as the pressure meant i couldn't lower my foot below my head. f****** blood burst everywhere <erk>

Had to take over a week off work while I lay with my leg up the whole time. f****** horrible it was, lost the nail completely about two weeks later.

I watched the Chelsea game last season from my bed, with my leg up. Cisse wonderstrike <awe>
Toe injuries f***ing hurt like, I remember playing for my Sunday league team once and the ball came bouncing towards me, I went to clear it and one of the opposition came in studs up in an attempt to block, I got the ball but carried through and full on toe-punted the bottom of his boot <puke> I couldn't even walk the pain was that bad, had to get carried off and went to hospital where they said I'd broken it. My toe in this time had went a very disgusting shade of purple and my toenail was hanging off, I almost threw up but the doctor (a cnut if you ask me) said there was nothing he could do expect tape my big toe to the second toe, which did absolutely nothing to help. I had to limp around for weeks and it was about three months before I could start training again. Not my most painful injury but definitely one of the most inconvenient.
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