The funny corner

daib0
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The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sun Nov 15, 2015 9:12 pm

Here's a story for you all


Once upon a time there was a King who wanted to go fishing.

He called the royal weather forecaster and inquired as to the weather
forecast for the next few hours. The weatherman assured him that there
was no chance of rain in the coming days.

So the King went fishing with his wife, the Queen. On the way he met
a farmer on his donkey. Upon seeing the King the farmer said, "Your
Majesty, you should return to the palace at once because in just a
short time I expect a huge amount of rain to fall in this area".


The King was polite and considerate; he replied: "I hold the palace
meteorologist in high regard. He is an extensively educated and
experienced professional, and besides, I pay him very high wages. He
gave me a very different forecast. I trust him and I will continue on
my way."
So he continued on his way.

However, a short time later, an absolutely torrential downpour of rain fell from the sky.
The King and Queen were totally soaked and, well, their entourage chuckled upon
seeing them in such a shameful condition.

Rather furious, the King soon returned to the palace and gave the order to sack
the professional upon immediate effect.

He then summoned the farmer and offered him the prestigious and high paying role
of royal forecaster.

But the farmer said, "Your Majesty, I do not know anything about
forecasting. I obtain my information from my donkey. If I see my
donkey's ears drooping, it means with certainty that it will rain."


So the King by-passed him and hired the donkey.

And thus began the practice of hiring dumb *sses to work in the
government and occupy its highest and most influential positions.

And what's more, the practice is unbroken to this date...
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Aldridge Perez
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Aldridge Perez » Sun Nov 15, 2015 11:49 pm

Absolutely daib0lical <roll>

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Luque
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Luque » Wed Nov 18, 2015 9:46 am

I thought this was funny corner?

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Don Sholeone
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Don Sholeone » Thu Nov 19, 2015 7:33 pm

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaahaahahaahhhahhahhahaaaaa.. HA!
TINO'S ON FIRE BARCELONA'S TERRIFIED
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Re: The funny corner

Post by ghostrider » Tue Nov 24, 2015 5:40 pm

A large female golden eagle is nurturing her two newly hatched golden eagles whilst the male is out hunting for food. The female always tried to keep a lookout for her male and always told him to stay within sight so she could help him if he got into difficulties.

This day, whilst the male was hunting,, she did have him in sight and saw clearly that he was homing in on a kill on a large rabbit. She saw him swoop down and grab the rabbit but also realised that he was struggling to lift the rabbit off the ground as it was extremely big.

The female made sure her chicks were safe and went to help.
They both struggled to grab the rabbit, but eventually managed to tear it in half, meaning both could take half back, easily.

When they got back to the nest, both the chicks were missing - and in the distance were two terrordactils' - not pterodactyls' like people would think - and assume I've simply spelled it wrongly. No; these were terrordactils' and were common killers in the land of the golden eagle.
The female told the male to gather a posse and hunt down the two terrordactils' and bring them back, preferably with her two chicks; alive.

The golden eagles hunted all night and all day for the chicks and for the terrordactils' but to no avail.
10 solid days and nights went by and all 20 eagles could find nothing.

16 of the eagles died in pursuit of the terrordactils', leaving only 4 left - all of who were starving to death. The problem was they were all too weak to hunt so decided to fly back to their nests and get their females to feed them to strengthen them up.

On the way back, 3 more died in flight. Fell to the floor with a thud. Just the original golden eagle who's chicks were stolen, remained.
He managed to get back to the nest. The female eagle saw how skinny and beat up he looked. He mustered enough energy to whisper, "food/water."

The female looked embarrassed and rightly so. You see, the returning male noticed movement under the covers of their bed. It was a picnic blanket that they stole whilst out hunting one time.
Anyway, the eagle pulls back the covers to find a naked eagle in their bed with a fatty on. He looked way older than himself and had a terrible receding hairline which he could see had been shaved. He was a bald eagle.

Anyway the eagle shouted to his lass. "what's going on here then?" and his lass shouts " you were gone 10 days and I thought you'd been shot or stabbed or beat up by a big rabbit.
"A big rabbit?.....a big rabbit?.... are you taking the piss because I couldn't have that other rabbit out and you had to sling your Dr martin boots on and help me?"
"Well yes" she said, " I mean, you did act like a bit of a soft cock - didn't you? and look at you now, you look like a skelitan which is our eagle version of a skeleton, just in case people reading our story decide to pull us up on spelling."

"Ahhh, so I'm a skinny kent am I?" he said. "Well yeah, you are and I'm thinking of staying with lobber."
"What do you call him lobber for?" said skinny eagle. "Because he's got some nob on him, that's why, skinny dick." She said.

The skinny eagle grabbed some food and a drink of water then gained enough strength to jump on the baldy eagle and beat him to death then kicked his lass right in her fanny and flew off shouting, " that's it between us, OHHH AND ALL YOU WAITING FEMALE GOLDEN EAGLES WHO SAW YOUR LADS GO OUT HUNTING THE TERRORDACTILS WITH ME; THEY'RE ALL DEAD, SO THERE, NOW I'm out of this story that's not really that funny but is better than the OP, and he started all this, so squawk squawk." And he flew away into the wilderness to a land that nobody knew, not even me who actually wrote this garbage.

THE END.

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overseasTOON
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Re: The funny corner

Post by overseasTOON » Tue Nov 24, 2015 6:13 pm

A man walks into a bar which was fine because he wanted a pint. Had he wanted to buy some screws and walked into a pub this would have been a joke about a drummer.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by ghostrider » Tue Nov 24, 2015 7:00 pm

A duck goes to primrose valley and stays in a mediocre caravan during the quiet term where nothing really much is going on, so he gets it for £75.
As he's waddling down to the entertainment complex, he bumps into a swan and the swan says " alright mate, how much did you pay for the week to stay here?"
The duck ignored him and walked into the complex.
The swan waddles after the duck and grabs the duck and shouts, "what's with the ignorant attitude?...either tell me how much it cost you or I'm gonna smash you up and snap both your wings."

The duck shouts, " go on then, do it .... DO IT." So the swan snaps both of his wings off and throws them into a mincing machine that was right next to him and turned on, for some reason.

The duck just looks at the swan and smiles, then flicks a can of red bull from under his feathers with his foot and drinks it like Popeye does in the Popeye cartoons. Just then he grew another set of wings then kicked the swan in his bell end and ran off shouting "smack head" for some reason.

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overseasTOON
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Re: The funny corner

Post by overseasTOON » Tue Nov 24, 2015 7:17 pm

Your avian a laugh with all the bird references.

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ghostrider
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Re: The funny corner

Post by ghostrider » Tue Nov 24, 2015 7:20 pm

overseasTOON wrote:Your avian a laugh with all the bird references.
That joke nearly flew over my head for second. ;)

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Devlin
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Devlin » Fri Feb 05, 2016 7:07 pm

<parrot>

Somebodys pinched my sombrero
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Somebodys pinched my sombrero » Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:48 pm

Just found out I was colour blind the other day. Came right out of the purple.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Lidl » Tue Feb 09, 2016 7:53 pm

What do you call cows with a sense of humour?
SpoilerShow
Laughing Stock.

Steerible I know.
If This Is How You Folks Make Art, Well That's f***ing Depressing

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Toondes
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Toondes » Tue Feb 09, 2016 10:18 pm

What's blue and fucks old people ?






Me in my new blue suit.
# stolen from nufc.com :)

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Fonda Trevanion
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Fonda Trevanion » Mon Sep 12, 2016 7:55 am

Short playlet:

Stranger: Your dog is unusual looking

Lady: Yes he's interbred

Duck: (waddling up) I'll tell you who else is into bread

THE END

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Mar 30, 2017 1:25 pm

just seen this ...


"And that is why I have decided to accept an invitation to become Angela Merkel's cat" #Article50

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Chappy
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Chappy » Sat Apr 01, 2017 1:50 pm

What's better than winning gold at the special Olympics?



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Re: The funny corner

Post by seatonsluicetoon » Mon Apr 03, 2017 7:40 am

Somebody's pinched my sombrero wrote:Just found out I was colour blind the other day. Came right out of the purple.
Sorry to hear that. Has it been cyantifically proven?
Supercalifragilisticexpiameobi

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Apr 05, 2017 6:33 pm

I was in a cafe today and can you believe it, two waitresses had a massive row about how long to leave a teabag in the cup.
Well, it got so bad that it ended in violence.
I asked the manager what caused that and he said it had been brewing for ages...
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Chappy » Wed Apr 05, 2017 7:28 pm

seatonsluicetoon wrote:
Somebody's pinched my sombrero wrote:Just found out I was colour blind the other day. Came right out of the purple.
Sorry to hear that. Has it been cyantifically proven?
<laugh>
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Apr 07, 2017 10:50 am

There is a massive tailback on the M25 and a lorry driver caught up in it asks a man, who happens to be walking along the line of traffic, "what the hell is going on?"
The man replies, "haven"t you heard? Terrorists have captured the bus carrying the Millwall team and are threatening to torch the bus if their demands aren"t met. So I"ve organized a whip-round."
"How much is everyone giving?" askes the lorry driver.
"About a gallon each," replies the man.
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