The funny corner

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Sat Mar 16, 2019 8:56 am

Looking for good home for family dog.

It is a small terrier.

Only problem is it barks and whines all day until owner returns home.

If you are interested give me a call so I can hop over next doors fence and get it for you.
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lassassinblanc
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Thu Mar 28, 2019 2:51 pm

An ex-girlfriend of mine was obsessed with counting, I often wonder what she is up to now.
<ayo>

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:21 am

I asked the wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nine or ten.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Tsi
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Tsi » Fri Apr 12, 2019 9:07 pm

So if a overweight person identifies as a slim person does that make them translender

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Re: The funny corner

Post by JamesBotch » Mon Apr 29, 2019 7:21 am

jimileysbaldhead wrote:
Tue Apr 02, 2019 9:21 am
I asked the wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with. She said yes, all the others were nine or ten. Check out my blogs: eatrbox.com - camengo.com - toodrie.com
<laugh> <laugh> <laugh>!
Last edited by JamesBotch on Thu Jun 27, 2019 1:05 am, edited 2 times in total.

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Jun 12, 2019 4:08 pm

My mate was so unfairly put in prison just for having a stutter. The judge simply had it in for him....

In fact, we don't know if he'll ever finish his sentence....
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Thu Jun 20, 2019 12:45 pm

Currently bird watching with Sinead O'Connor.

So far its been seven owls and fifteen jays.....
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Jul 16, 2019 6:52 pm

A guy went to the doctors, and the doctor was fumbling around for a while but didn't say anything.
So the chap says "anything up, doc?"
The doctor replies "I just can't put my finger on the problem. But I'd reckon it is a drinking problem"
"Don't worry, doc, then I'll come back when you're sober!"
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Re: The funny corner

Post by seaside nipper » Wed Jul 17, 2019 8:55 am

Guy in the bakery points to the cake he wants
Assistant says Cupcake.
Guy says, ok Cupcake, that one there please !!??
Clydeside & Tyneside

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jimileysbaldhead
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Sat Aug 31, 2019 11:26 am

Checked into a Swiss euthanasia clinic last, the bastards gave me Cheerios for breakfast.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Mon Sep 02, 2019 10:03 am

Had the sh!ts for 6 weeks so I went to the doctors. He said " don't worry they're back to school tomorrow "
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Sep 06, 2019 10:40 am

"Dad, can you tell me what a solar eclipse is?"

No sun.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:56 pm

Young boy: "Dad, what fun does a priest have?"
Father: "nun...."
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Dec 04, 2019 6:37 am

Bought the wife a pug yesterday .
Despite the squashed face, bulging eyes and rolls of fat the dog seems to like her.
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Tsi
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Tsi » Sat Dec 07, 2019 5:50 pm

My wife got so mad at me, she packed my bags and told me to get out. As I walked to the door she yelled "I hope you die a long, slow, painful death." I turned around and said "So, you want me to stay?"

<backout>

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Jan 22, 2020 6:38 pm

He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” :)
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Bodacious Benny » Thu Jan 23, 2020 2:50 pm

daib0 wrote:
Wed Jan 22, 2020 6:38 pm
He: “Do you smoke after sex?”

She: “I don’t know. I’ve never looked.” :)
You know what they say if you smoke after sex...
SpoilerShow
You've done it too fast.
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Jan 23, 2020 9:11 pm

A bird from Chatham goes home one night with a guy she met in a pub. He's tall, good looking, and seems different than most men. They arrive at his place and head straight to his bedroom.
She can't help but notice shelves full of teddy bears. On the bottom are small teddy bears, on the middle are medium-sized teddy bears, and finally, on the top are large teddy bears, all lined up beside each other. She begins to think that he is sentimental and sweet, and he isn't afraid to show it.
Her heart melts and she want to give him the night of his life. She gives him a blowjob, and lets him really give it to her, and even takes it again! In the morning, she slowly gets dressed, and smiles at him and asks,
"How was that?"
He nods and says, "Not too bad at all. Help yourself to a prize on the second shelf.”
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Re: The funny corner

Post by jimileysbaldhead » Wed Jan 29, 2020 8:27 pm

Yesterday I saw a car with a boot sticker saying "I'm a vet, therefore I can drive like an animal"
It was at that moment that I realised how many Gynaecologists there are on the roads!
My problem is reconciling my gross behaviour with my net income.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Jan 31, 2020 11:49 am

Dave the Kopite is touring the USA. Along the way, he stops off at a remote bar in the Nevada desert and chats to the bartender when he spots a Red Indian in full tribal dress seated in the corner of the bar.

"Blimey!" remarks Dave. "Who's he?"

"Gee, that's the memory man," replies the bartender. "He knows everything there is to know. Got a memory like an elephant, he can remember any fact. Heck, go and try him out!"

Dave heads over to the Red Indian, thinking that he can outsmart him with a question about English football.

He asks the memory man, "Who won the 1965 FA cup final?"

"Liverpool," came the instantaneous reply.

Dave was stunned. He tried again asking, "Who did they beat?"

"Leeds," replied the memory man.

Dave tried once more asking, "What was the final score?"

The wise Red Indian didn't hesitate in answering, "2-1."

Dave thinks he'll get smart, asking the memory man for the name of the winning goal scorer. Without so much as blinking, the Red Indian says, "Ian St John."

Dave is stunned and returns home to Liverpool, where he tells everyone about the Red Indian. Dave's curiosity lingers, and he vows to return to America and pay his respects to the Indian. Ten years later, Dave finally saved up enough money to return and, after weeks of searching the Nevada desert, once more he finds the Red Indian, now in a cave.

Humbled by the Red Indian, Dave steps forward, bows, and greets the brave in his traditional tongue.

"How," Dave says.

The memory man squints at him and replies, "A diving header in the six-yard box."
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