Page 12 of 16

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Sat Sep 08, 2018 5:03 pm
by daib0
‍Imagine The Titanic with a lisp
...

It's unthinkable

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Sat Sep 15, 2018 6:59 am
by Speedo
Just came across a friend of a friend on Facebook who’s name is... Tory Hoare. That’s gotta be tough

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:11 pm
by lassassinblanc
Bought a blindfold today not sure why I can't see myself wearing it

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:19 pm
by daib0
Whoever invented the knock knock joke...

Should get a Nobell prize...

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Thu Sep 20, 2018 9:22 pm
by daib0
"When I first said I wanted to be a comedian, everybody laughed. They're not laughing now."

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2018 9:49 am
by daib0
Some golden ones from Twitter -






Re: The funny corner

Posted: Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:18 pm
by jimileysbaldhead
In a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is:
"Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were, "Take That, what were the second two?"

After a lengthy silence a wee Glaswegian man stands up and says.." was it.. Ya Bastard?"

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 11:56 am
by ScottW1886
jimileysbaldhead wrote:
Fri Sep 21, 2018 5:18 pm
In a Glasgow Pub Quiz, the final question to win £1000 pounds is:
"Take That's first Album had a four word title, the first two words were, "Take That, what were the second two?"

After a lengthy silence a wee Glaswegian man stands up and says.." was it.. Ya Bastard?"
First question in a pub quiz up here is always "whit the f*** you looking at?"

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 12:03 pm
by daib0
haha, you couldn't do this if you tried!!


Re: The funny corner

Posted: Mon Sep 24, 2018 2:19 pm
by lassassinblanc
Why did Karl Marx only write in small letters?

He hated capitalism

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Thu Oct 04, 2018 9:23 pm
by daib0
Me and my family moved to this new town last week and I'm a little bit concerned. The town's doctor is Harold Shipman, the babysitter is Jon Venables, the school caretaker is Ian Huntley, the youth club is run by Myra Hindley, Jimmy Savile is in charge of the kids parties, but most disturbing of all the local football team is managed by Jose Mourinho.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Wed Oct 10, 2018 10:09 pm
by jimileysbaldhead
Just spent an hour at the wife's grave. Bless her, she thinks I'm digging a pond.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Thu Oct 25, 2018 8:53 pm
by jimileysbaldhead
Bad news for dyslexics, on the 28th October your cocks go black.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2018 8:26 pm
by daib0


Weird world of Mike Dean...

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Tue Nov 06, 2018 7:46 pm
by jimileysbaldhead
A lorry laden with thousands of Thesauruses shed its load on the motorway yesterday.

Witnesses were said to be stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, confused, shocked, dazed, bewildered, surprised, awed, dumbfounded, nonplussed, flabbergasted, astounded, confounded, amazed, perplexed and speechless.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Tue Nov 27, 2018 8:43 am
by jimileysbaldhead
Went to the sperm donor clinic yesterday and the nurse said " could I masturbate in the cup "
I replied " I'm good but not quite ready for tournaments yet "

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Wed Dec 05, 2018 11:17 pm
by daib0
Bloke driving along picks up a hitch-hiker.

After a few minutes the hitch-hiker says 'aren't you nervous about picking a hitch-hiker up, I could be a serial killer'?

The bloke says 'nah, the odds of there being two serial killers in this car are astronomical'.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:24 pm
by daib0
NOT MENTIONING NAMES BUT ?
Sorry, I need to vent!!!! ???
I experienced the WORST customer service earlier today at a shop in town.
I don't want to mention the name of the shop because I'm not sure how I'm going to proceed. On Tuesday I bought something from this shop. I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn't work. So today, less than 48 hours later I took it back to the shop and asked if I could get a refund.
The girl in the shop told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead then. Again this person told me "NO."
I asked to talk to a manager now as I'm really not happy and I explained that I had bought the item, had got it home and it didn't work. The manager just smiled and told me to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK." ???
No refund.
No FREE replacement.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.
I''ll tell you what...
I am NEVER buying another Lotto Ticket from there again !!

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Sat Jan 05, 2019 12:27 pm
by daib0
I just applied for a job in the Citroen factory.


I had to send in 2CVs.

Re: The funny corner

Posted: Sun Jan 06, 2019 4:12 pm
by daib0
Talking about the amazing developments in health care of late -


A British doctor says: "In Britain, medicine is so, so advanced that we cut off a man's liver, put it in another man, and in 6 weeks, he is looking for a job."


The German doctor says: "That's nothing,
in Germany we took part of a brain, put it in another man, and in only 4 weeks he is looking for a job."


The Russian doctor says: "Gentlemen, we took half a heart from a man, put it in another's chest, and you know, we're so strong that in 2 weeks he is looking for a job."


The American doctor laughs: "But you are all behind us. A few months ago, we took a man with no brain, no heart, and no liver and made him President.
Now... the whole country is going to have to look for a job!"