The funny corner

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Mon Jul 31, 2017 9:56 pm

Two guys went to a petrol station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their petrol and went to pay the male attendant.
"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."
"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."
"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.
The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.
"Two!" said the second guy.
"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."
As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."
"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."
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daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Aug 23, 2017 5:02 pm

Image

I'd love to do that to someone I don't like!
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:16 pm

The English football team visited a Muslim orphanage today.

"It's so heartbreaking to see their sad faces, devoid of hope," said Ahmed, aged 7.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 4:19 pm

I said to the baker..
"How come all your cakes are 50p and that one's £1"
He said..." that's Madeira cake"
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Thu Aug 24, 2017 6:31 pm

Police have confirmed a man has been arrested in Burnley after falling into a combine harvester whilst trying to steal it.

He is due to be bailed tomorrow...
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Aug 30, 2017 3:41 pm

Northerner terrifies Londoners by saying "Hello"

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Chappy
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Chappy » Sat Sep 02, 2017 6:56 pm

What's the difference between a lentil and a chickpea?




SpoilerShow
I wouldn't pay £200 to have a lentil on my face.

<perv>
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Bodacious Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Bodacious Benny » Sat Sep 02, 2017 10:09 pm

<laugh>
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

daib0
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Sep 06, 2017 9:45 am

If you're on the motorway and the person driving in front of you turns on the wipers when it's not raining, it can only mean one thing.

She will be changing lanes...
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Bodacious Benny
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Bodacious Benny » Wed Sep 06, 2017 12:19 pm

daib0 wrote:If you're on the motorway and the person driving in front of you turns on the wipers when it's not raining, it can only mean one thing.

She will be changing lanes...
Not quite deserving of a <laugh> but I'll give you a <roll>

On a related note that's what happens whenever I go on holiday and hire a car too, why don't they just put the indicator stick on the left hand side of the steering wheel in every car <laugh>
I'm the scumbag outlaw. You're the pillar of justice. Neither of us like looking at ourselves in the mirror. Do we have a deal?

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Sep 08, 2017 1:01 pm

Image
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:57 am

I can't believe that the Manchester city football striker, Sergio Aguero has hit the post again. https://t.co/67Vqoo0aiM
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Re: The funny corner

Post by lassassinblanc » Thu Oct 26, 2017 6:31 pm

I’ve developed a taste for fabric conditioner.
My doctor says I’m fine, I’ve just been comfort eating.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by NathanEr » Tue Oct 31, 2017 6:18 am

daib0 wrote:The English football team visited a Muslim orphanage today.

"It's so heartbreaking to see their sad faces, devoid of hope," said Ahmed, aged 7.
<laugh> <laugh> <laugh> nice one!

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Wed Nov 01, 2017 8:34 pm

Simon Mignolet wanted to dress up as a ghost for Liverpool's Halloween party. Unfortunately, he hasn't got enough clean sheets....
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Fri Nov 03, 2017 10:15 pm

Men Jokes - Making a change from blonde jokes!



'It's just too hot to wear clothes today,' Jack says as he stepped out of the shower..'Honey, what do you think the neighbours would think if I mowed the lawn like this?'
'Probably that I married you for your money,' she replied.


---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------



A couple is lying in bed. The man says,'I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world...'
The woman replies, 'I'll miss you.......
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Chappy
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Re: The funny corner

Post by Chappy » Mon Nov 13, 2017 2:24 am

I was in an American Library the other day going through a few magazines...

Then my f***ing rifle jammed.
It’s the noise, the passion, the feeling of belonging, the pride in your city.

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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:15 pm

I was telling my lovely lady doctor earlier how my tennis elbow was really hurting.

She said "how many years have you had it for?"

I said "15, love"
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Tue Nov 28, 2017 1:17 pm

Everton chairman Bill Kenwright to take over Brexit negotiations after showing it’s possible to spend £135m and exit Europe within three months.
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Re: The funny corner

Post by daib0 » Mon Dec 04, 2017 10:09 am

Image
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