Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

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Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by TBC » Mon Nov 16, 2015 7:45 pm

With all the different ways you can meet someone these days, you'd think there'd be no one single, but do these methods really improve our chances?

I'm in my mid 20's and have been single for coming on 2 years now (although i've only really started to 'see whats out there' the past 6 months or so) and I have to say it's been an experience. For me it boils down to 3 things, social media, dating websites/apps and the current state of the reality tv all the young'ns can't get enough of.

With Facebook, there seems to be a certain cut off with age, with older people actually using fb purely to reconnect with friends. As you get younger, and hopefully some of the younger posters on here will also have this, you started off on fb with friends, then added friends of friends, people you met in town, friends of theirs, and so on, and before you know it you have an account full of people from all over the region! I hate to quote a certain ex footballer of ours but at times Newcastle (or wherever you guys are from) can really feel like a bit of a goldfish bowl. Everyone knows everyone and their ex's and so fourth, I can't imagine what it was like to go to town on a night out or to the metro centre and literally only know your friends, ex class mates and work colleagues. I had this same conversation with a bloke in his mid 30s at work and he tried to spin it that having fb should be an advantage as you can have a good browse of someones profile that your currently or wanting to date, but for me, and maybe this is just me, there's something off putting looking at a girl your interested in's profile and seeing 25 profile photos of her and her good looking ex from a span of 5 years on various holidays etc. Go back 20 years and chances are the only time you'd see your partners ex were if you awkwardly bumped into each other whilst out or something.

Then there's if your in a relationship with someone, once upon a time if you're getting ready to go out, your partner would get ready, you might take a photo and you'd tell her how good she looked. Now, your joined by 25 other lads waiting in the wings liking and commenting on photos. If someone cheats chances are they would have always done it, no matter what era, but sites like fb can definitely encourage and help this along the way. I guess i just really don't trust a site that lets people announce when they are back on the market and give you a chance to like this fact and stake your claim!

Next, you have your dating sites, i signed up to one to see what the fuss was about, and even though my sister met her fiance through one, and it's such a successful way to meet someone for the forever working professional's, i found it a bit too defined. Unless your in a certain age bracket, or have the exact same hobbies, your unable to even send a message to that person. Now i get that its important to share the same interests, but there are generations of successful couples, my parents included, and maybe some of you on here, that whilst sharing some similar interest with their partners, also couldn't be further apart with some things! Okay so i've never been snowboarding or backpacked through Australia, that doesn't mean i don't want too/never will? Why is that a necessity? Likewise if i'm the same age or a year younger than you, why am I ruled out straight away? Do you know how many people your ruling out with that one setting alone?

Then there's tinder. <awe> Whilst it's a right laugh, this isn't the answer. Firstly, you don't appreciate how shallow you can be until you've realised you havent actually swiped yes in ages and you've literally said no to about 30 different girls in one go based on a first look, which is absolutely ridiculous really. I've only had one relationship where I fancied her first and made a move from pictures on social media/bbm, and it was the worst one. My better relationships came from girls i didnt necessarily find proper attractive at first but grew as i got to know them, something which just isn't going to be an option soon, especially if your the one trying to grow on a girl that doesn't necessarily find you attractive straight away!

Finally, there's Geordie Shore, and this new 'metrosexual' age. For us lads who are normal blokey bloke lads I'm sure everyone can agree this is a sad time to be alive. Most lads look the same, hammer the gym, self tan and spend more time on their hair and eyebrows than the girls they're going out with! These same blokes would get eaten a live if you rolled back the clock, but that's just the era we live in now. Don't get me wrong, there's nothing wrong with going to the gym, if anything taking personal fitness seriously is a good thing, but I don't think there's ever been a time where lads are as self conscious and feel pressured about their appearance as they do now. Whilst this isn't directly linked to dating I certainly think it has an overall impact.

So what does everyone else think? I hope this hasn't just come across as me moaning about not being able to get a girlfriend <laugh> , I thought since there's a variety of ages use this forum and none of us have anything better to do at work it could actually make for a decent debate, with maybe even some funny/disastrous dating stories thrown in.
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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by Don Sholeone » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:27 pm

I hope my burn wasn't the inspiration for this thread <laugh>
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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by TBC » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:42 pm

Nah my own experiences, but please link me to it! <laugh>
Last edited by TBC on Mon Nov 16, 2015 9:15 pm, edited 1 time in total.
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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by overseasTOON » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:55 pm

I need love, love
ooh, ease my mind
And I need to find time
someone to call mine;

My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
But it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes

How many heartaches must I stand
Before I find the love to let me live again
Right now the only thing that keeps me hanging on
when I feel my strength, ooh, it's almost gone

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take
How long must I wait
How muck more must I take
Before loneliness
Will cause my heart, heart to break?

No, I cant bear to live my life alone
I grow impatient for a love to call my own
But when I feel that I, I can't go on
Well these precious words keep me hanging on

I remember mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
Well, it's a game of give and take
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
Just trust in a good time
No matter how long it takes, now break!

Now love, love don't come easy
But I keep on waiting
Anticipating for that soft voice
To talk to me at night
For some tender arms
hold me tight
I keep waiting
Ooh, till that day
But it ain't easy (Love don't come easy)
No, you know it ain't easy

My mama said
You can't hurry love
No, you'll just have to wait
She said love don't come easy
It's a game of give and take...

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by ALF » Mon Nov 16, 2015 8:56 pm

Social Media is awful, it's changed the world and definitely not for the better. I've seen people unfriend and change their relationship status on facebook after every argument they have. For so many people their online persona is more important than actual personality. I'd rather meet someone in person than start talking to them on tinder or anything.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by PTAO? » Mon Nov 16, 2015 10:36 pm

Tinder works if you use it right. Try and be too picky and you'll only end up swiping for 10s and get few matches. Just go crazy, swipe right for everyone. Then when you have matches look at them and decide whether or not you like the look of them. You end up with some ugly ones, but so what? You don't have to talk to them, just delete the matches you aren't interested in and spam the same message to all the rest. In my experience 30%-50% won't reply, but I've invested nothing in them, so I don't care. Then the ones that do reply, you'll either hit it off with, or have no rapport, and can reject them. This leaves you with a number of attractive girls who you might potentially be able to form a connection with. Give them your number, and arrange to meet up.
It really is so easy.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by asbo » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:22 pm

I'm your age so it's kind of difficult to answer the title of the thread, but I'd probably say the generation before were just as hopeless as ours when it comes to relationships, a lot of couples would continuously break up and gets back together, have affairs, a lot of people still single in their thirties and forties and divorce rates were and are high. It's always been a bit of a minefield.

I think social media has certainly changed things, people are more narcissistic than ever and the likelihood that there's going to be a somewhat permanent record of anything a person does perhaps makes them more guarded. I think people are desperate to get that relationship status away from single, but are not just self-conscious about how they're perceived themselves, but also the way any new partner may be judged. Maybe in the past two people would go on a date or a several dates, and the only people who would know would be their closest friends who would just know the other person as "this guy/girl I've been seeing" assuming they're not part of the same social circle. Nowadays they're likely to post some sort of update which is going to announce their relationship to hundreds of people, and if it doesn't work out they're going to have the shame of having to also announce that to everyone they've ever met. So maybe people are more selective than they were before Facebook. There's no cooling off period between them first starting to date and becoming a couple publicly, they're instantly a couple as soon as they've been on one date so first impressions matter much more. Of course it doesn't have to be this way, nobody has an obligation to detail every aspect of their life online, but the fact is everyone does it now anyway. I also think the amount of time people spend online these days is diminishing people's social skills, and yeah I certainly think that applies to me.

I've never used a dating site/app and don't plan to (being "in a relationship" is really not the lifestyle I want) so I can't really comment. Same with the Geordie Shore stuff, I don't watch TV, I don't read magazines and newspapers, I very sparingly go on Facebook and I'm not on Twitter so I'm mercifully sheltered from any exposure to s*** like that. Do chicks really go for that look though? I'm not convinced they do so I don't see what affect it has on things. Do guys do that because they think it will get them pussy? They look completely ridiculous.

I really want you to elaborate on your "I've only really started to see what's out there" comment.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by asbo » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:24 pm

Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:Tinder works if you use it right. Try and be too picky and you'll only end up swiping for 10s and get few matches. Just go crazy, swipe right for everyone. Then when you have matches look at them and decide whether or not you like the look of them. You end up with some ugly ones, but so what? You don't have to talk to them, just delete the matches you aren't interested in and spam the same message to all the rest. In my experience 30%-50% won't reply, but I've invested nothing in them, so I don't care. Then the ones that do reply, you'll either hit it off with, or have no rapport, and can reject them. This leaves you with a number of attractive girls who you might potentially be able to form a connection with. Give them your number, and arrange to meet up.
It really is so easy.
As if you're looking for rapport or to form a connection with them. <laugh>

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by PTAO? » Mon Nov 16, 2015 11:58 pm

AbsolutelyGlorious wrote:
Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:Tinder works if you use it right. Try and be too picky and you'll only end up swiping for 10s and get few matches. Just go crazy, swipe right for everyone. Then when you have matches look at them and decide whether or not you like the look of them. You end up with some ugly ones, but so what? You don't have to talk to them, just delete the matches you aren't interested in and spam the same message to all the rest. In my experience 30%-50% won't reply, but I've invested nothing in them, so I don't care. Then the ones that do reply, you'll either hit it off with, or have no rapport, and can reject them. This leaves you with a number of attractive girls who you might potentially be able to form a connection with. Give them your number, and arrange to meet up.
It really is so easy.
As if you're looking for rapport or to form a connection with them. <laugh>
It's not what I was looking for in them, but them in me <laugh>

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by Southern fairy » Tue Nov 17, 2015 9:01 am

Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:Tinder works if you use it right. Try and be too picky and you'll only end up swiping for 10s and get few matches. Just go crazy, swipe right for everyone. Then when you have matches look at them and decide whether or not you like the look of them. You end up with some ugly ones, but so what? You don't have to talk to them, just delete the matches you aren't interested in and spam the same message to all the rest. In my experience 30%-50% won't reply, but I've invested nothing in them, so I don't care. Then the ones that do reply, you'll either hit it off with, or have no rapport, and can reject them. This leaves you with a number of attractive girls who you might potentially be able to form a connection with. Give them your number, and arrange to meet up.
It really is so easy.
Summed up my tindering method there.
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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by Chappy » Tue Nov 17, 2015 10:26 am

Never been on tinder but my cousin uses it, and I had a go on his account. It's s****... Even if you're good looking. My cousin is (no homo) but even with a fair few matches the conversations generally go something like this:

"Hi"
"Hi"
"You ok?"
"Yeah thanks you?"
"Gdgd yeah thnx. Wuu2?"
"Nm you?"
"Same lol"

END.

I don't see nowt wrong with using social media to get ya tail wet but it's just far better to meet someone out and about and have a good laugh with them. I'd rather have a laugh with someone at the pub than talk to a narcissistic, attention seeking social media whore who values likes on her new profile pic more than a conversation.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by PTAO? » Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:30 pm

If the conversation starts "hi" it's already over. I don't even bother replying to them.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by overseasTOON » Tue Nov 17, 2015 2:36 pm

Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:If the conversation starts "hi" it's already over. I don't even bother replying to them.
Start with "Nice shoes. Want a f***?"

You either get laid or punched.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by Southern fairy » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:20 pm

Come on the lads, best opening liner suggestions for Tinder.. Go
Joe Kinnear: "I think they've got some magnificent midfield players; Tiote, Ben Afri, Yohan Kebab, Sissoko are very solid."

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by PTAO? » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:38 pm

overseasTOON wrote:
Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:If the conversation starts "hi" it's already over. I don't even bother replying to them.
Start with "Nice shoes. Want a f***?"

You either get laid or punched.
Risk free over the internet <diva>

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by overseasTOON » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:38 pm

Southern fairy wrote:Come on the lads, best opening liner suggestions for Tinder.. Go
I stared at your t*** for five minutes before I realised you had a face. Then I looked at your t*** again. Fancy meeting up so I can meet them for real?

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by overseasTOON » Tue Nov 17, 2015 3:39 pm

Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:
overseasTOON wrote:
Start with "Nice shoes. Want a ****?"

You either get laid or punched.
Risk free over the internet <diva>
I used this line before the internet.

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by asbo » Tue Nov 17, 2015 4:28 pm

overseasTOON wrote:
Southern fairy wrote:Come on the lads, best opening liner suggestions for Tinder.. Go
I stared at your t*** for five minutes before I realised you had a face. Then I looked at your t*** again. Fancy meeting up so I can meet them for real?
<laugh>

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by beardface » Tue Nov 17, 2015 6:22 pm

overseasTOON wrote:
Southern fairy wrote:Come on the lads, best opening liner suggestions for Tinder.. Go
I stared at your t*** for five minutes before I realised you had a face. Then I looked at your t*** again. Fancy meeting up so I can meet them for real?
Re-downloading tinder to give this a go. Shall report back. <gent>

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Re: Is dating harder now than it's ever been?

Post by TBC » Wed Nov 18, 2015 10:01 am

Pretty Terrible Attacking Options wrote:Tinder works if you use it right. Try and be too picky and you'll only end up swiping for 10s and get few matches. Just go crazy, swipe right for everyone. Then when you have matches look at them and decide whether or not you like the look of them. You end up with some ugly ones, but so what? You don't have to talk to them, just delete the matches you aren't interested in and spam the same message to all the rest. In my experience 30%-50% won't reply, but I've invested nothing in them, so I don't care. Then the ones that do reply, you'll either hit it off with, or have no rapport, and can reject them. This leaves you with a number of attractive girls who you might potentially be able to form a connection with. Give them your number, and arrange to meet up.
It really is so easy.
Yeah I mean, I know how to use it I was just suggesting that all these new ways of dating actually complicate things rather than make it easier. At least the debate stayed serious for 5 minutes. <awe>

I met a girl through tinder when out in town her with her mates and me with mine, I ended up going home with her mate! <parrot>
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